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Unread 07-16-2009   #1 (permalink)
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Default depressed grieving Fluffybum

I am so worried about Fluffy, his depression is really making me more depressed. He looks so sad. I knowit has only been a couple of days, but he misses Pusspuss so much!! Today he was laying where she use to sleep and just staring out the window. I cuddled him and moved him to the scratching post with the 2 girls and gave him Puss's blanket. He lay on it all day, so downhearted. We are giving him so much attention, and Dora has adopted him, she is really mothering him and will lay over him or behind him to comfort him, but he looks so withdrawn. He is hardly purring at all, not crying, just very down. He has been wanting to get out at night as he use to with Puss, but I have been keeping him in incase he runs away. I have been giving him treats, talk to him every time I walk past him, giving him kisses and cuddles, but he is really moping about. He did have a little play with the girls in the night, they all curled up on the end of my bed at my feet, and I let them be. He does not have much energy and his eyes look so lost, he has lost his life and meaning.

What more can I do for him??? Should I be cuddling him more or giving him some space?? The vet said he would be ok in a few days, but I really think it is going to take him a good while to recover, if ever. I don't want anything to happen to my Fluff, I love him so much.

Dora has taken charge, but poor girlie is missing out a little as Dora is now giving all affection to Fluff. Girl is just wanting to eat all the time!!! Last night she vomitted everywhere, I think maybe because she just ate too much. I am trying to encourage Fluff to eat, but she is overindulging.

Please help me help my poor lost kitties. I am so glad now that I decided to keep all 3 of them, they really need each other to deal with this loss.
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Unread 07-16-2009   #2 (permalink)
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Oh darling,I know what you and Fluffy are going through.
It happened to me in February when we lost Harley.
His brother Finn was looking for him for weeks,he would pine by the back door for him.
Him pining reduced my partner to tears.
We could not explain to Finn where Harley had gone.
It was sooo sad.We gave Finn more cuddles and hugs.
Finn would also sleep in Harleys spot.
My friend told me that when one of two cats in a household dies,the survivor generally searches and calls for a time,but can then seem more contented than before.
Sleeping in the deceased cat's favourite spot may not be a sign that they miss them,but a claim of the best seat.
Please be strong for Fluffy,he needs you,give him all the love you can.xxxxx
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Unread 07-16-2009   #3 (permalink)
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Oh dear... this post really made me cry ! It's really heartbreaking for Fluffy to lose his best friend.

But I'm sure you're doing great in helping him recover from depression. I'm most convinced that he will be okay over time, especially with your attention and Dora's loving care !

Thank God you kept them all in the first place !
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Unread 07-16-2009   #4 (permalink)
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I'm so sad to read about what you and Fluffy are going through, I know how hard it is. I had the same thing last year when Simba was killed and Pixie who was his sister and soul mate was beside herself. It is a natural grieving process that they have to go through just like we do, but it's so hard as Cheryl said that you can't tell them what happened.

All you and your family can do is give Fluffy as much love and attention as you can (but taking care not to leave the others out, especially Girl), try and play with him even though he might not want to - you should keep his attention at least - and be prepared that it may be some time (not simply a few days as you vet indicated) before he starts to perk up again.

Wishing you lots of love at this time xx
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RIP Ben, Tippy and Simba xxx
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Unread 07-16-2009   #5 (permalink)
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I want to add my sympathy and understanding to the others who wrote, it's terrible to see them grieve I know, but it's true it's something they have to go through.

I agree also that it will take more than a few days.

I do have one suggestion that may or may not help. When Tolly grieved so badly for Bibbs (rb 3/05) I was beside myself with worry.

After three weeks I took him to the vet. That trip seemed to break the thrall of his grief. He was still sad and looked and called for her for many more months, but he stopped hiding away as much and started having some fun again.

So after another week or so, perhaps if you put Fluff in the carrier, take him for a drive around the block, and bring him back in, it might help him to accept that she's gone.

Some rescue remedy might help, too.

xo

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Unread 07-17-2009   #6 (permalink)
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I rang the vet about the cats, just to see what I can do, and they told me cats "do not mourn or cry like humans do", I said maybe not but my kittens are definitely showing signs of being depressed and missing their mummy. Not very helpful at all, I was a bit cross with them really for thinking I was silly for suggesting that they are.

Anyway, Fluff had a little play with the girls in the night, I was very encouraged by that, and I put them all in the laundry together to sleep and cuddle.
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Unread 07-17-2009   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nastursim View Post
I rang the vet about the cats, just to see what I can do, and they told me cats "do not mourn or cry like humans do", I said maybe not but my kittens are definitely showing signs of being depressed and missing their mummy. Not very helpful at all, I was a bit cross with them really for thinking I was silly for suggesting that they are.

Anyway, Fluff had a little play with the girls in the night, I was very encouraged by that, and I put them all in the laundry together to sleep and cuddle.
Yeah, I was thinking maybe the vet is just like a human doctor is an expert in the pet's physical health only ... I mean they would somehow neglect the psychological part of them. I'm sure pets have feelings (sadness, depression, anger, anxiety, happiness, feeling lost, ...)

I'm glad that Fluffy was having fun again with the girls ... that's a positive sign of recovery ! Felliway plug ins and rescue remedy will hopefully help too to combat stress.
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Unread 07-17-2009   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nastursim View Post
I rang the vet about the cats, just to see what I can do, and they told me cats "do not mourn or cry like humans do", I said maybe not but my kittens are definitely showing signs of being depressed and missing their mummy. Not very helpful at all, I was a bit cross with them really for thinking I was silly for suggesting that they are.

Anyway, Fluff had a little play with the girls in the night, I was very encouraged by that, and I put them all in the laundry together to sleep and cuddle.
Well that wasn't very nice of the vet.No compassion!
You are not silly at all dear.
I have been through this five times in 6 years.
And every time I have lost one of my fluffy kids,the ones left behind feel it.
I don't care what the vet says,my Finn, was grieving for his brother,who was his playmate,they did everything together,they washed each other cuddled like no other cats I've had,they were like Siamese twins.Literally.
Then Harley was gone.
Of course Finn was depressed.

Of course Fluffy is depressed now.
Just keep on giving Fluffy lots of love,and the girls too.
Time is a great healer.

Big fluffy hug from me and my fluffy kids.xxxxx
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Unread 07-17-2009   #9 (permalink)
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One thing I forgot to ask, I found a blanket under the baby table that had Pusspuss all over it, made me very sad, her fur and dirty footprints, so I gave it to the cats to lay with if they want on the scratching post. Do you think this is ok?? Should I leave it only for a little while or just leave it??

When Fluff was starting to fret again last night and wanting to go out I gave him some drops of rescue remedy and I really think it helped him, helped me anyway!!

You are all so kind, thank you, I really need to talk this out with people who love cats also and know what I am going through. I still expect to see Puss or hear her meowing to come in, I even thought I saw her the other night. Me and my son still have a cry.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nastursim View Post
One thing I forgot to ask, I found a blanket under the baby table that had Pusspuss all over it, made me very sad, her fur and dirty footprints, so I gave it to the cats to lay with if they want on the scratching post. Do you think this is ok?? Should I leave it only for a little while or just leave it??

When Fluff was starting to fret again last night and wanting to go out I gave him some drops of rescue remedy and I really think it helped him, helped me anyway!!

You are all so kind, thank you, I really need to talk this out with people who love cats also and know what I am going through. I still expect to see Puss or hear her meowing to come in, I even thought I saw her the other night. Me and my son still have a cry.
I had a cry too reading this post !

If I were you, I will give them (especially Fluffy) the blanket (no matter how dirty it is), so they will still recall Puss' scent, whenever they miss her.

Great that the rescue remedy works !
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