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Unread 05-02-2011   #1 (permalink)
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Hi,

I have recently introduced a new 5-month old female kitten (Lucy) to our household. I already have a 2-year-old female Abyssinian (Millie). Millie and I recently lost our beautiful 2-year old Tabby boy in a dog attack. The boy and Millie had been very close and I had hoped that Lucy would be a new companion to Millie. I know that cat introductions can take time, and it has only been a week so far, but Millie is extremely distressed about the new arrival and I am feeling distressed and panicy myself. Millie is very independent but also very affectionate and she and I had a very good relationship. Now that Lucy is on the scene Millie is spending even more time outside and when she does come in to have her food she growls and hisses and makes horrible noises and she won't allow me to pet her. Millie is backing down and running away if Lucy tries to approach her. I tried all of the recommended tricks, keeping Lucy in the spare room away from Millie etc and doing the smell exchange thing but when I am home in the evening Lucy needs to be free to run around and get attention and let off steam. Otherwise, she gets bored and cries. She is a lovely kitten and likes to be cuddled. I have ordered some Feliway but am waiting for it to arrive (difficult to get hold of in NZ at present because of earthquake situation). I also tried spraying some Bach 'Rescue Remedy' in her mouth but it made no difference. I am very worried that I will never get my happy, purry girl back. I'm not even seeing the slightest improvement with each passing day. In the previous situation, I had gotten my boy cat 4 days before Millie. he was 8 months and she 5 months. It only took a few days for them to become friends. Millie was the dominant cat and would always be cleaning him. My boy was timid and cautious and quietly affectionate. How long do I keep trying before I have to make the decision to rehome Lucy?
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Unread 05-02-2011   #2 (permalink)
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First off, a week is no time at all. Please give yourself and Millie a little more time!
How long ago did your boy get killed? Did you or Millie see it happen? Who found the body?
Your boy was killed in a very horrible way, if you all witnessed it you have been traumatized, just finding the body after such a thing would be a trauma! Please let yourself and Millie grieve!
I have no doubt that cats grieve and I have good reason to believe that it is possible for a cat to be afraid to love again for fear of being hurt. Many can call me crazy but I have been in a situation with a cat that nothing else could explain the circumstances. Mister lost his first buddy to a car, a couple of years later he lost his buddy to urinary blockage. It took him over a year to get close to another cat. Anyway, I'm not going to try to explain the details, that would be a book and we are talking about you not me!! I just want you to give yourself and Millie time to recover from such a horrible loss.
Love on Lucy and make her feel part of your family. But, please shower Millie with as much affection as you can. Don't give her a reason to think you are trying to replace the cat you lost. If you can't touch her, talk to her, tell her how much you miss the boy and how much you love her. I bet she will come to you, in her own time. You need to grieve, please do so!
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Unread 05-02-2011   #3 (permalink)
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I agree with kskat. Give it time. Millie has been through a trauma, and may not be ready to accept any new changes yet. I understand Lucy needs to run and play, but Millie has to be your first priority.

It may have been too soon to bring in a kitten, but it's too late for that now, Lucy is there and part of your family.

I think you should bring Millie in the house and keep her in the house. Keep Lucy separate in one room, and let Millie have the run of the house when you aren't home. When you do get home, shower affection and attention on Millie, before letting Lucy out.

When Lucy comes out for her play time, let Millie go off to another room if she wants, but keep her in the house. She is not going to adjust to the new situation if she keeps running off outside.

At bed time put Lucy back in her room, and sleep with Millie, if that was her habit.

I hope the feliway helps Millie feel better. Poor girls, both of you have been through so much.
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Unread 08-04-2012   #4 (permalink)
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any updates about Millie and Lucy? I'm curious what happened to them. I am in the same situation that i have a new pet and my cat seems to be so jealous she doesn't want to eat much.
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