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Unread 08-06-2014   #1 (permalink)
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Default Having hard coping with loss of my Cat

We just had to put our cat to sleep yesterday. It is so difficult. We had him for 14-1/2 years. He was a Birman. He was so faithful and devoted to me. He was always at the door when we arrived home, he sat on my lap every monring for comfort and everynight. He would cuddle with us whenever he could. I can't get over thinking about the look on his face. In the end his belly was filling up with fluid and his lungs were too. He was having trouble breathing. The vet told us they could drain both and he may be OK for awhile, but he would soon be back for the same thing in perhaps a week or a month. He had heart and liver disease. I feel so empty having to put him to sleep. He depended upon us. He had never been outside. We were his whole world. I feel in the end I abandoned him since I did not take the step to make him better. My wife felt if was best for him since he was in distress. The vet did not comment is she agreed, but it seemed so. Why it is I cannot get over this feeling that I abandoned him and should have taken whatever steps necessary at whatever cost to keep him around longer. Everyone says he is better off this way. We took on the responsibility to feed, enjoy and take care of him when we bought him. I am normally a strong guy, but feel that I gave up on my friend. Is my feeling one of selfishness - thinking of me and not him ? Why is it I cannot deal with this ?
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Unread 08-06-2014   #2 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by denardis View Post
We just had to put our cat to sleep yesterday. It is so difficult. We had him for 14-1/2 years. He was a Birman. He was so faithful and devoted to me. He was always at the door when we arrived home, he sat on my lap every monring for comfort and everynight. He would cuddle with us whenever he could. I can't get over thinking about the look on his face. In the end his belly was filling up with fluid and his lungs were too. He was having trouble breathing. The vet told us they could drain both and he may be OK for awhile, but he would soon be back for the same thing in perhaps a week or a month. He had heart and liver disease. I feel so empty having to put him to sleep. He depended upon us. He had never been outside. We were his whole world. I feel in the end I abandoned him since I did not take the step to make him better. My wife felt if was best for him since he was in distress. The vet did not comment is she agreed, but it seemed so. Why it is I cannot get over this feeling that I abandoned him and should have taken whatever steps necessary at whatever cost to keep him around longer. Everyone says he is better off this way. We took on the responsibility to feed, enjoy and take care of him when we bought him. I am normally a strong guy, but feel that I gave up on my friend. Is my feeling one of selfishness - thinking of me and not him ? Why is it I cannot deal with this ?
I am so sorry for your terrible loss. Your feelings are normal, it is an awful hurt, having to make that decision for your beloved friend.

The thing is, he depended on you for everything, everything, INCLUDING freedom from unrelieved suffering. Letting him go was the bravest most loving act of all. Many call it The Final Kindness.

My Tolly had a similar situation. I did have him drained, and even though I felt that I had to try everything for him, oh how I regret it. The danger of draining, your vet may have told you, is, it drains everything. All electrolytes all fluid, everything the cat needs to survive is drained off with the fluid. Some cats can recover from that, but not many. My Tolly did not recover, he went directly into kidney failure within hours of the draining.

I was devastated at what I had done. I'm sorry Tolly I didn't know, I kept telling him, that last night together. He wanted nothing to do with me, because he felt so awful.

The next morning I told him, as soon as the clinic opens I'm bringing you in Tolly and you will be free. You will be with your beloved Ootay and your beloved Bibbs. It was then he began to love up to me again and show me his appreciation and comfort me because he knew, even though he was glad to go, I would be sad without him. But I feel sure Ootay and Bibbs were waiting for him and he knew it.

You did the right thing for your boy. I promise you, you did. It hurts so much, and you will always miss him, but the pain will get easier over time. It can take a long time, but go easy on yourself. Allow yourself to grieve. Keep yourself open to visits, he may come to you in a dream, or you may catch a glimpse of him in the house, or you might feel him on your bed some early morning..any thing like that you can take to mean he is telling you he is well and happy and loves you.

However, even if he doesn't appear in any way, not everyone is attuned to the spiritual world like that after all, even if he doesn't, I assure you he is safe and happy and loving you still.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Be gentle with yourself. You did everything you could for him.
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Last edited by acerlt; 08-06-2014 at 01:52 PM.
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