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Unread 01-08-2010   #1 (permalink)
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Default Mai, I'm so sorry..

Early Wednesday(jan 6th) morning my best friend (Mai) passed away and I'll never really know why. Mai (thai cat) came into my life about 15 months ago. He was picked up off the street and given to me by a friend. To be honest, i wasn't too keen on having a cat with me in the condo but i live alone and i figured why not. So we both had one thing in common, we never chose each other but there we were as new friends. I watched him grow and he learned my ways and in time we became inseparable. When ever i was home and no matter what i was doing, Mai would always be there at my feet watching me or if he could, he would jump up to get an even closer look. Brushing my teeth was one of those things. I guess he just always wanted to be close to me.. Over time Mai was the one who was on my mind and the one who i felt the closest to. He was like my baby,my brother and my son all rolled into one. But most important of all, he was my friend. He had so many things he did that made him so interesting and lovable. I never realized that i would feel so connected to Mai. He really became a part of my life and my heart. I would always call his name Mai-Mai-Mai and his tale would wave and roll calmly and slowly while slowly opening and closing his eyes as if he was content and happy to hear me say those words. This was my way of saying that i loved him. I think he knew that. Sometimes he would sit close to me resting on all fours with one paw tucked under(as he would always sit) and look at me and make these beautiful chirping sounds. As if he was showing me that he was feeling happy and content with me. I would copy him and he would answer. We really warmed to each other.. After about 7 months in the condo with me it was time to move into a house. I thought it would be a great move for the both of us. There was a front and back yard so i really wanted Mai to explore the world that nature has to offer for a cat. All those new sights and smells(he was inside all the time since a kitten), i was just dieing to let him out and watch him slowly and cautiously enter into his new world and explore and play. As time past, Mai became accustomed to the routine of the inside world and the outside. I would leave at 8am for work and Mai was free to venture outside and do his thing. At 3pm i would be home and there he would be to greet me at the gate. It was our routine together. And Mai was always eager to get back into the house for his dinner or a nice nap on my bed. So this was Mai's life for the past 7 months. Inside and out. Sleeping at my feet or at my side on my bed and waking up when i woke up.Breakfast, then outside again. After time passed Mai began to attract the attention of territorial male cats. I had him neutered but the local tom cats really gave him a hard time. There were fights, cuts and scrapes but he was usually still keen to venture out side. One night i noticed it was getting late so i decided to call him. There was no response. Just silence. I tried calling him,shaking his food bowl off and on through out the night up until 3am and still no response. My gf and I decided to walk around the block but there was no sign of him. The next morning i decided to walk around the back of the house and check in the garden and there he was. He was hiding inside the bushes, all i could see was his little white face. We picked him up and brought him inside and noticed that he had this blank expression in his eyes. He wouldn't move, just staring as if he was in a state of shock or trance. He also vomited a few times. We had no idea of what was wrong with him. He was a completely different cat. We figured that he would be thirsty and hungry but he would not eat or drink. We decided to take him to the vets. After explaining the situation to the vet she asked some routine questions and proceeded to check his temperature and heart. She came to the conclusion that he was fine and that there was nothing to be alarmed about. She told us that due to Mai going off food and water, we would have to use syringes and force feed him. We stuck at this for a day. Mai would just vomit everything up, water, food and all. We took him back the next day but this time it was another vet. We explained the situation, she looked over his file. Once again she did the same basic checks and told us his temperature and heart rate were fine. This time i asked if she could run some tests and she decided that checking his blood was the best option. He was also put on a drip. This whole experience was very traumatic for Mai. He screamed and his saliva was foaming up around his mouth. He was also hyperventilating. I thought he was going to bite his tongue off or die right there and then..I helped the vet and the nurse hold him still. It was a horrible and painful experience for Mai to endure . After this procedure he was once again sent home with me with the same instructions, force feed him food and water.. Through out that night and until the next day Mai did nothing but vomit anything we put in his stomach.The vet instructed us to just keep at it. We were doing everything the vet told us to do but he never got better. The next morning he died laying in a pool of his own saliva.. I decided to have the clinic do a post-mortem, i just had to know how this happened. He was perfectly health and happy with tones of energy and then this? Was he poisoned by someone? Did he eat something that poisoned him? After the post-mortem the vet told us that there was no poison found in his stomach. His blood was also fine. All of his organs were fine except his kidney. She said that there was bleeding in the kidney and this is what killed him.. I still can't except this as the reason why he is gone. How could this happen to such a young cat? Now i just feel that i didn't do enough for him. I feel so sorry for Mai that no one could help him. His life was in my hands and i couldn't help him or save him. He suffered so much before he died. He could barely walk. If I'd known that he would have to endure so much in those last 5 days i would have asked the vets to put him to sleep. I just wish that there was something we could have done for him. Mai, I'm so sorry Yesterday i buried him in the garden, the same spot we found him hiding that morning. I wrapped Mai in one of my T-shirts he loved to sleep on and in his arms i placed his favorite toys.. I put some of my favorite flowers(white Plumerias) on his body and i said my last words to him.. It hurt so much and i cried so much. I'm a 35 year old man and i have never cried this much in my life, even when a friend of mine committed suicide.. I just feel so sorry for him and so sorry for what how he suffered. I feel that i didn't take good enough care of him. He should still be here with me. It's just not right that he died the way he did.. Now everything in and around this house reminds me of him. It's really hard to come back home with no Mai there to greet me at the gate.. Or no Mai nagging me for food or knocking stuff over in the kitchen or in the spare room. He really was the life of this house and the life in my heart.. I will miss him and never forget him. I love you Mai and I'm so sorry.. I will see you in my dreams..

Mark
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Unread 01-17-2010   #2 (permalink)
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I am so sorry for your loss of you beautiful Mai.
It is so tragic and traumatic. Poor baby.
Words cannot explain how you feel right now dear.
Time is a great healer, the pain will ease, I promise.

Just remember he had a good life with you.
He is now free from pain and waiting for you at Rainbow Bridge.

R. I. P. Mai, now an angel for sure.

As close as a whisker, and remembered with every heartbeat. xxxxx
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Last edited by che; 01-17-2010 at 01:54 PM.
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Unread 01-17-2010   #3 (permalink)
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Mark, you have told a beautiful story of your sweet Mai. Do not blame yourself, these things sadly happen from time to time and you did all the right things.

I know it must hurt so much right now, but you found each other and gave each other so much in the time you had together, so treasure the memories of the happy times and know that he will be waiting for you at the Bridge. xx
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