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Unread 12-14-2009   #1 (permalink)
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Default Regrets of a bleeeding heart.

I have no idea if you will ever see this, i have no idea if you have even ever seen this website.

I just need make a effort to reach out to you even if it is never seen.

Its been months since iv seen you, i think about you every day, and my dreams are haunted by you every night. I should have told you i love you. All those late nights we stayed up talking, i had so many opportunity's to kiss you that i let slip threw my fingers. ill never forget the way i felt when you said "i guess im just not that kissable." i just looked at the floor feeling a strange mix of pity and desire, a desire to show you that you are the only woman i want to kiss. but i just set there, looking at the floor.

I wallow in self pity and heart ache every day, my life has lost all meaning without you in it. What i have to say may be cliche but its all too true.

You have known for a long time how i felt. But i dont believe you knew the full extent of my feelings.

Every time i worked up the nerve to try to move our relationship to the next level you would pull away under the guise of not feeling the same way. I cant believe that. The way you looked at me, touched me, the candid way we spoke about things together all hours of the night, the way others saw our relationship as barely contained. Remember the the comment you made when when i said how i liked french maid costumes and i quote "well i guess ill need to get one" I didnt dream you putting your hand on mine for no reason or the out of the blue long looks and way we played together and touched. Some im sure was just flirting but i know you feel for me. We have obvious chemistry and obvious feelings for each other.

The truth is, you are afraid of becoming like your parents, you are afraid of being viewed like other couples in our circle of friends and you are afraid of a physical relationship. You are a very attractive woman yet i am the closest thing you have ever had to a boyfriend. Why is that? Ill tell you why because im the only man that was to stubborn to give up on you. You let men get close enough to get to know you and to like you but anything more you hide from. There is no point in denying you and i were more then friends and yet not quite a couple but our relationship was a romantic one for sure there is NO way you felt we had one of those weird brother sister relationships. I always let you know where i stood and siblings do not ever act like we do together. Most people would assume we were together.This you cant deny.

I will always love you, you have ruined me for any other woman. I want to show you what a man and woman are supposed to have together. You are so beautiful and so pitiful, and i am so stubborn, proud and in love to move on.

I know when i pulled away from our comfortable little setup that it was hard for you, i wanted it to be, that was the idea. Also Whatever one may call our relationship was about to drive me to insanity so i thought that if i pull away you would see what you were missing and i would have a much needed break. Hind site is 20/20 i can see now this change has allowed a gap between us.

Now i sit here lonely begging my eyes to see your face when i close them. but they dont. I have to stop my hand from dialing your number. I only vent here due to the low chance you may see this in which i hope yet fear you may.

When i work myself out of this depression, i will see you again. if by that time a new man is in your life i will assume you to be happy and bow out, but if not, i plan to get back on the proverbial horse.

Until then i remain broken in love.
Zac

ps. i do miss Smalls as well.

Last edited by disappearingone; 12-14-2009 at 06:48 AM.
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Unread 12-15-2009   #2 (permalink)
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hey! it's good you've found an outlet to release such feelings through this page. i've been broken hearted before and like you, i also felt the need to just get that pain out of my chest.. hope you'll be ok.
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Unread 12-15-2009   #3 (permalink)
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Wow.. I would swear, if I did not know any better, that I had written this myself... It reminds me of my current situation more than even I realized.

I feel for you, disappearingone... And even if you never come back to read these replies, I hope and pray that everything can work out for you.
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